Characters | R03 (Part 2 of 4)

I can’t believe we are already at the halfway point of this Workshop! We started working on our “idea” through crafting a Pitch then we expanded on that idea by creating a world for it to exist in. Now we are adding people through sketches! I must confess, I do love the process of creating a story almost as much as I enjoy writing the story itself. I enjoy this process so much I can no longer stay on the sidelines, just facilitating the Workshop, I want to join in! So during one of these Parts you’ll find my two Character Sketches as well as my Pitch!

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research papers video games and aggression Pitch: The Seraph’s Muse is a story about an angel who, while visiting earth becomes smitten with a woman named Petra during the War for Heaven.  Because of divine law, Remiel has to convince God to let him live out his life on Earth.  When God refuses, a muse named Thalia is ilicited to help prevent the lovelorn seraph from rebelling. (untouched)

click here First Character

essay editing services uk Name: Remiel
http://tubetes.com/need-essay-help/ Need Essay Help Age: N/A
http://www.stemcellslab.net/dissertation-hints/ Gender: Male
see Race: Angel
oxbridge law personal statement Occupation: Heavenly Choir
click here Role in Story: Protagonist

http://techfiltered.com/?p=business-plan-table-of-contents-example Physical Description: Lithesome, tall, flowing white hair, wings

homework online do Personality: Good, friendly, obedient

buy a research paper writing service Background: One of God’s many angels.  He has always been the tender of mankind.

help with essay writing Key Relationships: God (father), Lucifer (fallen brother)

http://bandvoodoo.com/?p=how-to-write-a-high-school-essays Internal Conflicts: Wants to follow Heavenly Law but also wants to love a human

click here External Conflicts:

see Flaw:

page Goal: To love

get Second Character

http://hfcmm.org/news.php?q=olive-garden-sebring-florida Name: God
Age: N/A
Gender: Male
Race: N/A
Occupation: Creator
Role in Story: Antagonist

Physical Description: Old man, white beard and hair, glows

Personality: All knowing, all controlling, stubborn

Background: Created the world, heaven and all man kind.

Key Relationships: Angels and humans

Internal Conflicts: None

External Conflicts: Angels warring for control and wanting to break Divine Law

Flaw: Stubborn

Goal: To keep everything in order

Svarmani (Comedy)

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Pitch: In Kansas City, Missouri, a fire demon searches for his chance to ascend above to the rank of a god. But in his way lies an angel who is looking for the same goal and needs to erase him from existence. (untouched)

First Character

Name: Ignus
Age: 319
Gender: Male
Race: (if relevant to the story, if not, leave blank) Demon
Occupation: Soul hunter
Role in Story: (Protagonist | Antagonist | Anti-Hero | Sidekick | Stakes | Mentor) Protagonist

Physical Description: When in human form he’s a 5’8 human male. Brown short hair and bright orange eyes. Pale skin. Prefers black clothing.

His demon form is a construct of pure fire. Being able to manipulate his size up to any size that he can imagine.

Personality: Built to be a soldier he mainly keeps his emotions to himself. Though he usually goes for a flashy attack rather than the practical.

Background: Lived the first 80 or so years acting as a faceless soul collector for, Gnorgah, the Queen demon of Lust. Around the American revolution he showed his worth, and earned a spot in Gnorgah’s personal soul retrieval unit. He’s been spending the last 239 years living on the earth living and taking jobs from Gnorgah.

Key Relationships: Gnorgah his boss and superior in the demon world. Canoa, a high school girl, who acts as Ignus’ tether to anything resembling humanity.

Internal Conflicts: The thoughts of humanity and empathy tend to conflict with his demon thought process.

External Conflicts: As he is looking for a way to become a god. An Angel is hunting him down constantly trying to achieve the same goal.

Flaw: Practicality in any capacity isn’t his strong suit.

Goal: To find his way to become a god.

Second Character

Name: Gnorgah
Age: ???
Gender: Preferably Female
Race: (if relevant to the story, if not, leave blank) Demon
Occupation: Lust capital leader. Mafia leader
Role in Story: (Protagonist | Antagonist | Anti-Hero | Sidekick | Stakes | Mentor) Mentor/Stakes

Physical Description: Human form. A 6’0 tall woman with crimson hair. Wears cougar print and large tacky rings. Large red fingernails and red eyes.

Personality: Prefers the fantasized Italian culture. She enjoys her life as a mob boss and has no qualms about killing anyone who gets in the way of her perfect human dream life.

Background: Gnorgah has had her hands in a little bit of some famous historical moments. She keeps those locked down in her sleeve.

Key Relationships: Ignus (her top soldier), Gio (her mafia half breed son)

Internal Conflicts: Her brutality can often times put her at odds with even her mafia clients.

External Conflicts: She has to handle several human gangs as well as being picked on by the other Sin Capitals.

Flaw: Her poor tastes often remove her from any high class opinion she could build.

Goal: She wants to achieve a mafia monopoly over the whole world. Making her the queen of the underworld.

Heracorn (Mystery)

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Pitch: HELP! Not sure which I like best!

  1. In a small town called Twin Crossing there is a House, and living inside is Otto von Kraus, both boy and man; the Gatekeeper. When Elder Otto discovers exactly how the House survives he will stop at nothing to help the split residents become one again. Even if it means ending his life in the process.
  2. In a House occupied by a Gatekeeper, Otto discovers he no longer wants the job of keeping the residents of Twin Crossing apart. In a fight against his younger self,Otto, decides to help them become whole, forcing the House to do everything in its power to stop him, in order to remain alive.

First Character

Name: The House
Age: Several Centuries
Gender: N/A
Race: (if relevant to the story, if not, leave blank) N/A
Occupation: Soul Splitter
Role in Story: Antagonist

Physical Description: Two-story house (plus hidden attic). On the outside it looks quite narrow and small, but once inside the space seems to grow because of all the things crammed inside of it. Upon closer inspection of its contents you’ll see just how long the House has been in existence. There are items in there dating as far back as the 16th Century.

Personality: Sinister in its unwielding desire to get what it needs to survive. Uses cons and tricks in order to lure unsuspecting victims into the town and ultimately inside of it, where it can then perform an act too evil to speak of.

Background: The origins of the House remains a mystery to everyone. There have been sightings from visitors who’ve managed to escape with their lives but none have ever been believed when they try to tell friends and family of its existence. The only record of the Houses earliest moment in time comes from a Gatekeeper during the 16th Century, who began keeping a journal of day-to-day occurrences.

Key Relationships: The Gatekeeper, ensures no harm comes to the Cane and keeps it with them at all times. The Librarian is the personal Scribe to the House.

Internal Conflicts: It must rely on others to do most of the leg work since it’s ability to manipulate and control is contingent upon a person’s proximity to the House.

External Conflicts: Otto (and others) are actively trying to undermine the House’s plan for survival by uniting those residents it splits.

Flaw: Not thinking before doing things that will get it caught by those who still aren’t aware of its powers.

Goal: Split as many residents as it can in order to not only survive but gain enough power to grow the amount of space the town of Twin Crossing occupies.

Second Character

Name: Otto von Kraus
Age: 12 and 73
Gender: Male
Race: (if relevant to the story, if not, leave blank) German
Occupation: Gatekeeper
Role in Story: Protagonist

Physical Description: Young Otto is of average height and build. His most outstanding feature is his longish blonde hair. He is quite unkempt and unclean, choosing to wear the same clothes everyday. Elder Otto is only slightly taller than Young Otto as he’s hunched over a bit from old age. His hair is thinned out and gray. He’s tired for the most part and it shows on his face in the form of frown lines.

Personality: Young Otto is sarcastic and quick witted, with the curiosity and exuberance of a young boy who has no fears or cares in the world. He knows what the House is doing and thinks it’s all very cool. He finds it fascinating and attempts to help when he can. Elder Otto is timid and quiet. He keeps to himself and his writing, choosing not to speak to many people at all.

Background: Young Otto doesn’t remember his parents much. He only remembers life within the House, alone. He only ever remember being twelve and never aging. Elder Otto, however, does remember his childhood and having survived through World War II.

Key Relationships: Elder Otto’s best friend is Archibald. He owns a Nutcracker Shop in the Parallel. Young Otto’s best friends are his Nutcrackers that he talks to every day.

Internal Conflicts: Young Otto and Elder Otto are each other’s internal conflict. Young Otto wants to continue being a kid and having fun while Elder Otto wants to help the residents of Twin Crossing become whole and escape the clutches of the House. Occupying the same body becomes difficult on both of them as they are both so uniquely different.

External Conflicts: As with their Internal Conflicts they are each other’s External Conflicts. Except in the case of Elder Otto he has one more E.C., the House doing whatever it can to put a stop to him.

Flaw: Young Otto’s flaw is his inability to tell right from wrong. He’s been sheltered for so long he has no life experiences to teach him the difference. Elder Otto’s flaw is he doesn’t believe he can defeat the House or teach Young Otto how to be a better person.

Goal: Young Otto’s goal is to help the House, believing if he does he can stay young and have fun forever. Elder Otto’s goal is to stop the House at all costs, even if it will ultimately mean he’ll be destroying himself as well.

EricaDrayton (Horror)

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Due to the ENORMOUS amount of work put into these Character Sketches by each participant there will be FOUR parts this Round. Take your time giving feedback for each character. This Round is probably the most crucial of all the rounds. Without a compelling character the story will fall flat. And seeing as how the next two Rounds are all about the story, it’s important we get it right.

I want you to think about the following questions when giving your feedback for each character sketch:

  • Can you “see” the character or get a sense of what the character should look like in your mind?
  • Is the character compelling enough to care whether or not they reach their goal? This applies to an antagonist as well as any other character.
  • Combining the Pitch and the Character Sketches, on a scale of 1 to 10 (1 = not interesting enough / 10 = can’t wait to read it) how invested are you at this point in wanting to know more? Be honest and tell us why?

About E.L. Drayton

Writer of novels, short stories, scripts, and reviews.
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  • Nacho

    Remiel – I like the idea but wish I knew more about them, in particular how it relates to their relationship with God and wanting love
    God – interesting that he is stubborn and controlling of the angels, excited to see where it goes

    Ignus – seems like an interesting protagonist. Is he not happy where he is/why is he so desperate to become a god?
    Gnorgah – awesome descriptions, I can imagine her human form so well. I like that despite being “evil” she’s not an antagonist

    Pitch – I like the second much better, although it is still quite confusing. I’d add another sentence to let things breathe a bit more, and reduce the number of commas.
    House – seems like a cool setting and love that you described it as a character because it’s so important. Can you explain what splitting is?
    Otto – the relationship between the young and old one is fascinating, but I am still a little confused on how they operate. Strong protagonist and their dual dynamic should do a great job driving the story forward.

  • Kamary

    Svarmani (Comedy)

    Remiel: There’s really not that much information to go off of with him. From the sounds of the pitch, falling in love with a human changed him. Maybe include those changes to a certain degree in his personality section? You should definitely have included a flaw and an external conflict, even if they are just rehashes of his internal conflict.
    God: A lot about him is vague. Are there certain angels he’s closer to? Does he see them all as kind of the same and is that why he thinks of Remiel’s actions as a rebellion? Even if you’re trying to make him a distant force in the story, you could probably be a little more specific.
    Overall: 2/10, there’s not enough meat here to get me interested. I’m not the biggest fan of romances, and though comedy romances can be very good, comedy is very much about a person’s specific tastes.

    Heracorn (Mystery)

    Ignus: An emotionally subdued fire demon is an interesting thought, though I would have liked to hear more about his personality. Does he have any likes or dislikes? What does he think of his boss? His physical description is a bit bare bone’s too. Does his fire form look humanoid? His flaw, too, tends to contradict his personality. Soldiers are normally pretty practical. Maybe that’s going off the flashy attacks thing.
    Gnorgah: I’m surprised she’s the lust capital leader when her personality doesn’t seem to imply that. Maybe it’s more a of political thing. I like the idea of her being a mafia boss. Not many people write female bosses. I’d like to see what he part in the story is and why Ignus comes to her for mentoring.
    Overall: 4/10, I can’t really see where you’re going for this, and I didn’t find the character’s deep enough to get attached to. I’m a little surprised you didn’t do the angel character for the second character, though.

    EricaDrayton (Horror)

    House: Oh, I was not expecting to see the house on this list. It’s really interesting that you include it as a character, not as just a setting. This also gives me a deeper understanding of Otto’s role. The house sounds like a chilling antagonist. I have to wonder what happens inside it, but I suppose we’ll find out over time.
    Otto: I was wondering where you’d go with Otto. I am very much liking him, though. Young Otto’s lack of morals make a lot more sense now. A twelve year old can be moral, but since he knew nothing but the house, there’s no reason for him to have ever learned any. Elder Otto’s subdued nature makes sense too, when there’s nobody to stop Young Otto from doing what he wants. I am a little confused, though if Younger knows about older.
    Overall: 9/10, I really liked these characters. I still believe the second pitch is stronger. There’s not really much I have to say over all, just that I liked it. I look forward to seeing it when it’s done.

  • Heracorn

    Svarmani:
    Not a lot for us to learn about your character. There isn’t even a flaw for them.
    As for the god character. Not much to say because he seems like an average depiction of god for any story. Though it’ll work in your favor because you’re writing a comedy.

    Heracorn:
    It’s’a me!

    EricaDrayton:
    House: An interesting idea for a character. Excited to see how you use it.
    Otto: Not sure how i’m supposed to feel towards Otto. But I know you can use this for a nice horror story.

  • BlueLikeATardis

    Svarmani – Well, your character sketches are quite short, which only makes me think that you may have done that on purpose to give yourself more room to play around with the characters when you get down to writing. I tend to do that sometimes when I am writing. Only problems I am having is that Remiel doesn’t have enough for me to get a good grasp on his character. What you have in terms of personality makes me think of what the character is initially, but does it change towards the end of the story? God sounds like any other depiction of him.

    Heracorn – I quite like Ignus, he would possibly serve as interesting protagonist. My first thought when it comes to fire is being passionate, but the fact your character keeps their emotions to themselves makes me intrigued. In his fire form, can you still make out a humanoid form or is just like this giant ball of fire?

For a demon of lust, she seems quite violent. Not to say she could not be, but I would like to see more about her being the Queen Demon of Lust. I think of it like a Siren of sorts. They can entice you with beauty and a song, but then strike without warning for the kill.

    Erica – I find the first pitch to be pretty good.

I like that you include the House as a character and not only as a setting. It kind of reminds me of Monster House. I am not sure if you seen the animated film, but essentially the house is possessed by an old man’s wife. When one of the neighborhood kids figures this out, he tells the old man that he should let her go. This only angers the house(or ghost possessing it) who wants to stay and it begins trying to eat them. Anyways, I find your character to be a very awesome antagonist.

Does young Otto know about old Otto? Does Young/Old Otto splitting personalities work like dissociative identity disorder ( i.e. one is in charge for a while, until the other one takes control) Is the fact that Young Otto does not remember his parents part of the reason he can’t decipher between right and wrong? I also like how you have such two conflicting personalities.

  • Arthur Cole

    1) Svarmani
    Very minimalist. While I think most of it is enough for your readers to be introduced to your two characters, but I think it just feel sorry of the point here. I could be wrong, but my understanding of this exercise is to build background that, most likely, won’t make it into a short story of <7,500 words, but informs you (the author) in moving forward in the writing process so that you know your characters through and through. I mean, they are good, just minimal.
    Rating: 6/10

    2) HERACORN
    I like Ignus. He's a good character and, I think, you have developed him well. I am looking forward to seeing him grow and achieve his goal to become a God, as well. I especially like the idea of him being "tethered" to a human, as what I assume to be a connection to the human realm. Very interesting!
    Gnorgah is okay. Seems a bit cliche, visually speaking. She reminds me of the chick from Bedazzled, wearing leopard print and stuff. Her motives are good, though. She wants something realistic so that's good.
    Rating: 8/10

    3) EricaDrayton
    Pitch: I 'think' I understand your idea, but, to me at least, both pitches are not fully informative. I think a mixture of the two would be best. After rereading a few times, what I have concluded is that the house (paranormal in nature) feeds off of people's energy and they are paradoxically split into "two selves." Otto Von Krause must then fight "spiritually" to unite himself with himself again, and the house wants him to remain in it forever to feed off of his spirit/soul. Hopefully that's kind of the gist of it.

    Characters: the house is good, but I think it gets real interesting at Otto. You've developed both sides of him well where he polarizes himself. You can see by his change in his elder years what kind of a life he must have love that made him change and that's pretty intriguing to me. I find it hard to believe such a deep story will unravel in less than 7,500 words, but good on ya'. Looking forward to it!
    Rating: 9/10

    -Arthur Cole

  • SplinterFM

    Svarmani
    You didn’t give us much to work with. Depending what kind of comedy you want to create here, I would say the depth of character is very important and I feel the main character should be relatable. But the fact that god is a stubborn guy makes me think of a couple comic situations, so you have that going for you.
    Overall: 6/10. I’m curious to see how you’re gonna make that work.

    Heracorn
    Does Gnorgah know Ignus wants to become a god? Does that mean she would lose her top soldier? Maybe that would be another external conflict for her.
    I like how these are demons but somehow you managed to humanize them. Ignus is friends with a high school girl (or something like that, I don’t know how that would work) and Gnornah is picked on by the other Sin Capitals. Those are nice details that make the characters more real, more relatable (at least for me). These details make me care more for them.
    These two characters seem important and there’s also the high school girl, but we haven’t heard from the other side yet, the angel. Is he the bad guy? It’s a nice inversion of roles.
    Overall: 5/10. To be honest, I’m not that interested in the mystery yet. I’m getting more of an adventure and action feeling from what you’ve described so far (and that would be exciting) but I guess I’m not that interested in the mystery because I don’t see where it’s gonna come from yet.

    EricaDrayton
    Your story seems to have a complex background which needs some explanation. That’s hard to do in such a small word count, but I think the second pitch makes a better job than the first one. Although, “Otto” and “a Gatekeeper” sound like two different people and I don’t think that’s the case.
    It looks like you gave us three characters: the House, Young Otto, and Elder Otto. The house is a great character and it reminds me of fairy tales villains, magical and naturally evil. But I think you could have used Young Otto and Elder Otto, separately, as your two character sketches. I don’t quite understand how they work. Do they have only one body? I mean, are they roomates on the house or they can only percieve eachother on their minds? This part was very confusing for me.
    Overall: 8/10. The concepts you use in your story are very new to me. Like, the soul splitting house which creates a conflict between a guy and his younger self over the existence of the house itself. I have no idea how you came up with that but it’s awesome, and I’m excited to see where you go with it. But I have to say, I’m not feeling the horror yet. The world/house has very specific rules and its mechanics are very interesting, which is great for a fantasy world, but the house doesn’t feel dangerous or scary enough for a horror story. I mean, it’s clear this is a dark setting, but it’s also magical and fantastic and I feel more interested and amazed than I feel scared. For example, in Coraline (the movie), they have a dark and magical world like yours, but they managed to make it creepy too. In my opinion, that final touch is still missing.

  • PaulWeaver

    Svarmani (Comedy)

    I think these characters are somewhat of a norm when we find stories are heaven based like this one is.

    As this is a comedy isn’t there the opportunity to provide a twist in the characters personas which would make this more than a standard ‘heaven and earth story?

    I am watching this space to see how things develop. (6/10)

    Heracorn (Mystery)

    This is, in my opinion, a couple of very exciting detailed character sheets.

    They provide me with a ‘pen picture’ of what to expect if I was ever to meet these characters in real life.

    You have managed to get everything in your characters that I would expect to see in them when found in a mystery story. (10/10)

    EricaDrayton (Horror)

    The lack of a decision on which pitch to use does not affect the characters you have
    described as I believe that they would equally work for either pitch.

    A house as a character is a rather unexpected twist on what I was thinking a character should be but seems to be very relevant to a horror story. The more unexpected things that can be thrown into a horror story the more effective it can be.

    Otto in either form is a good character too, it will be interesting to see how old and young Otto mesh together in the story.

    I think these characters have been crafted over an extended period and show us all the way to write them.

    Did you have the same time limits that the rest of us did to prepare these?

    To me, these characters seem overly well formed for the time limits you gave us.

    But either way, I am excited about the possibilities of the story you can make from these characters. (10/10)

  • artisticBard

    Svarmani (Comedy)
    Both of your character bios are bare bones, though I would say that’s being generous. You neglected to fill out the flaw section for Remiel which, considering the premise of your story, shouldn’t be hard to do. Your descriptions don’t help me get a sense of the characters at all.

    Heracorn (Mystery)
    A lot of this has left me lost and confused. A lot of the information that you’ve given us on your characters seem to contradict each other. It makes it hard to get a feel for your characters.

    EricaDrayton (Horror)
    I really enjoyed reading your characters! It’s really interesting to see how you describe the house. They’re short, but it provides us with all the information we need to understand the characters. I really liked how you wrote about Otto. The contrast between his younger and older self makes for an interesting dynamic.