Characters | R03 (Part 4 of 4)

I can’t believe we are already at the halfway point of this Workshop! We started working on our “idea” through crafting a Pitch then we expanded on that idea by creating a world for it to exist in. Now we are adding people through sketches! I must confess, I do love the process of creating a story almost as much as I enjoy writing the story itself. I enjoy this process so much I can no longer stay on the sidelines, just facilitating the Workshop, I want to join in! So during one of these Parts you’ll find my two Character Sketches as well as my Pitch!

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source site Pitch: It’s 1943 in and around the small town of Purbeckshire, James Arnold, part of the “British Resistance” was secretly training to be able to attack invading German Forces. It was thought they would attack soon. Spies were known to be operating in the area. The ultimate goal is to disrupt the Germans.

http://bestintravels.com/?q=peper-help First Character

http://1907.ch/?dissertation-services-in-uk-editing Name: James Arnold
http://www.scarpetango.eu/organizational-behavior-research-papers/ organizational behavior research papers Age: 30
http://royalrocksalt.com/?p=pay-someone-to-write-my-master%27s-thesis Gender: male
graduate admission essay for psychology Race: (if relevant to the story, if not, leave blank)
Pay For Literary Anlaysis Paper Role in Story: (Protagonist | Antagonist | Anti-Hero | Sidekick | Stakes | Mentor)

get Physical Description: very broad shoulders, tall for the time, strong arms, big hands

http://eversky.com.tr/?q=quick-essays-online Personality: quiet and never forthcoming with discussions on anything

source link Background: farmer, only member of family who could work the farm due to both parents being unable to due to injuries. Exempt from having to go to fight with armed services.

i need someone to do my chemistry homework Key Relationships: mother, father, Queen and Country

i have to write an essay about myself Internal Conflicts: not sure what to put here yet

page External Conflicts: not sure what to put here yet

http://constructionandlandscape.com/?p=buying-phd-thesis Flaw: is a loner so may not be good in situations where he has to mix in groups of people. May give himself away to person hunting for him as he is a loner and doesn’t have the skills not to show himself as being different to the others.

follow url Goal: if the Germans invade his aim is to go into hiding and act as the British Resistance while British forces organise themselves.

blank Second Character

view Name: not known

i need help writing a essay Age: not known

Gender: not known as we have not found who the spy is yet

Race: (if relevant to the story, if not, leave blank)

Role in Story: (Protagonist | Antagonist | Anti-Hero | Sidekick | Stakes | Mentor)

Physical Description:

Personality:

Background: no local links

Key Relationships: German Commanders

Internal Conflicts:

External Conflicts: Continually having to reinvent themselves due to being a spy and moving on

Flaw: due to no local links would have trouble mixing with the local people

GoalMay show signs of having a low knowledge of the local area and not be sure of whose who in the area, a matter that a local person would be reasonably able to know about.

PaulWeaver (Mystery)

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Pitch: Firstborn of the original sinners, Cain lives a life in the shadows of the glory of his youngest brother, Abel, who is favored not only by Adam and Eve, but by God himself. After finding Abel entangled with a sinister presence, Cain begins to descend down a dark path of guilt, paranoia, and murderous rage. Learn the story of how Cain, the first murderer, and the first human being to fall was put under a curse, which we know now as The Mark of Cain. (untouched)

First Character

Name: Cain
Age: Early Twenties
Gender: Male
Race: BLANK
Role in Story: Protagonist

Physical Description: Shoulder-length, slightly curly raven hair. Thick eyebrows. Hooded lids (a slight puffiness on the bottom of the lids). Dark brown eyes. Angular, square jaw. About 6ft. Muscular frame. Coarse hands.

Personality: Introverted; speaks when spoken to usually. Cain is the type of person to bottle up what they are feeling, especially his jealousy and anger towards the favoritism towards his youngest brother. When his anger gets too much, he will clench his hands into tight fists to the point where his fingernails are cutting his hands to draw blood. Despite how much he holds resentment to Abel, Cain does care about him a lot.

Background: Born years after Adam and Eve were cast out of the Garden of Eden, Cain worked as a farmer alongside his brother who tended the sheep. His relationship with his brother is strained and tense and his parents tend to overlook him a lot. Cain spends a lot of time with himself and his wife until Nur enters his life which is someone he is not sure about but warily talks to. Cain begins to notice that Abel is acting very oddly and leaves in the middle of the night to talk to someone. He soon finds himself torn between his personal issues with Abel and trying to protect him.

Key Relationships:

  1. Abel
  2. Nur
  3. God

Internal Conflicts: Cain is deeply jealous that Abel gets all the praise, while he gets nothing.

External Conflicts: Cain struggles between his own issues with Abel as he has to make a choice on how to save Abel.

Flaw: Bottling up his emotions, which only ends up with them festering into something even worse.

Goal: Cain tries to swallow his jealousy to help Abel not get his soul corrupted by the dark force that talks to him.

 

Second Character

Name: Nur
Age: Unknown
Gender: Female
Race: BLANK
Role in Story: Antagonist

Physical Description: Long wavy, raven hair, low slightly thick eyebrows, downturned eyes with hooded lids (slightly droopy at the outer corners), and a narrow face with angular, high cheekbones. About 5’ 6” with a petite frame. Slender fingers.

Personality: Just like a still lake, there is a lot going on beneath the surface. Outwardly, she appears calm and collected. Soft spoken, a bit playful, and is a great listener. She is very intelligent, which she uses in her own favor. Nur is calculating and manipulative; she is a subtle force that pushes you into your darkest desires. She hates feeling ignored and being alone, which can lead her to be quite violent.

Background: Nur is a primordial being who co-existed with God. While she was content with just having him around, God wanted to create Angels and the world in which humans lived. She tried to help, but her creations ended up becoming monstrous and tried to eat everything it can in contact with. She later slowly grew to resent God after he started to grow arrogant and casted her to the side.

Key Relationships:

  1. Cain  – She befriends Cain as she slowly pushes him to give into his darkest desire.
  2. God  – She is bitter with his treatment of her and wants his attention by toying with his playthings (the humans).
  3. Abel  – She speaks with him at night, and uses this to help manipulate Cain.

Internal Conflicts: She holds a deep-seated grudge at God for shutting her out and ignoring her in favor for his humans and Angels.

External Conflicts: She wants to punish God for being arrogant and leaving her for his playthings.

Flaw: She feels the need to punish those who do her wrong.

Goal: To get revenge on God by destroying what he cares about.

BlueLikeaTardis (Tragedy)

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Due to the ENORMOUS amount of work put into these Character Sketches by each participant there will be FOUR parts this Round. Take your time giving feedback for each character. This Round is probably the most crucial of all the rounds. Without a compelling character the story will fall flat. And seeing as how the next two Rounds are all about the story, it’s important we get it right.

I want you to think about the following questions when giving your feedback for each character sketch:

  • Can you “see” the character or get a sense of what the character should look like in your mind?
  • Is the character compelling enough to care whether or not they reach their goal? This applies to an antagonist as well as any other character.
  • Combining the Pitch and the Character Sketches, on a scale of 1 to 10 (1 = not interesting enough / 10 = can’t wait to read it) how invested are you at this point in wanting to know more? Be honest and tell us why?

About E.L. Drayton

Writer of novels, short stories, scripts, and reviews.
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  • Nacho

    James Arnold – i don’t really understand what drives him as a character, both in being part of the resistance and in his goal as a leader
    Spy – i get the purpose but don’t know anything about them

    Cain – obviously I’m already familiar with the character but your description does a great job tightening it up into a neat package
    Nur – Sets up Nur perfectly, I’m excited to see the screentime she gets in your story

  • BlueLikeATardis

    1.) For your protagonist, I don’t think I quite grasp who James is as a character. So far, I get that one of the external conflicts is that he is not sure who the spy is and therefore he could spill the beans on the plans to them. Your protagonist comes off like he would be far too quiet in the story. Not that there is anything wrong with quiet characters, but I feel like he could be more than that. Is this short story mostly going to be internal dialogue presented through the protagonist? If so, then he should have some quirks to keep readers interested. Things he says in his head that will provide an interesting perspective on what is going on. Does that make any sense?

    What is he like when he is alone? I would expect he might be a bit more comfortable and that is when he see more of his personality.



    For your spy, I get the purpose of keeping the sheet brief and with missing information. We don’t know who it is and what they are like truly.

    2.) This one is mine.

  • SplinterFM

    PaulWeaver
    Maybe this was made in a rush but I’m not sure what to say about your characters. Your spy is surely a mystery and James is okay. For now, I think we are missing some motivation for him. What makes him do what he does? Overall: 5/10. I’d say your pitch does a better job than your characters at making me interested in your story, although there is nothing ultimately wrong with them. Just a lack of depth, I think.

    BlueLikeATardis
    Your characters are both very strong and well developed. I can’t really find something missing and I don’t think you could have done a better job. Overall: 10/10. I’m excited to see how you’re gonna deliver the story.

  • Kamary

    PaulWeaver (Mystery)
    James: Honestly, there’s not much I can go off here. I like the fact he was exempt from the army, but there’s very little detail in the other sections.
    ???: I can’t really critique a character there’s no information on.
    Overall: 2/10. I liked the concept, but it seems much more plot driven that story driven, and if there aren’t strong character for me to take an interest in, I can’t really get attached to the story.

    BlueLikeATardis (Tragedy)
    Cain: Cain seems pretty in depth and fleshed out. I like that you made it clear how much her care for his brother, and I am a sucker from an introverted main character. I’d be interested to see what the breaking point is for him with this brother.
    Nur: I was expecting Abel, but it’s nice to see a different character in the role of antagonist. I think her backstory is interesting. She reminded me a little of the Darkness from Supernatural (at least what I’ve heard since I can’t sit through 11 seasons). I’d love to see what her over all plans are.
    Overall: 7/10. I think this has a lot of promise and I would like to see a sympathetic version of the Cain and Abel story. While biblical stories aren’t my favourite, this seems like ti has some real depths to it.

  • Arthur Cole

    1) PaulWeaver
    James Arnold: what is his role in the story. I think it’s safe to assume protagonist, but you left it blank. Very vague and I don’t really get a sense of his character, physical appearance, or anything really. I like the whole British spy premise, but I feel like this was tossed together last minute.
    Unknown: nothing to tell.
    Rating: 2/10

    2) BlueLikeaTardis
    Cain: extremely interesting! Love the premise and love your interpretation of Cain! Three are two areas that I think need some work, however. The external conflict is more of an internal conflict, and his goal also seems to be an internal conflict, not something that he is striving for.
    Nur: great! Especially her description. I could imagine perfectly her image based on your description and I love that. You have developed her very well, but, as before, her external conflict is but an external conflict, but her goal. In fact, it’s almost the same response in her goal section.
    Rating: 8/10

    -ArthurCole

  • artisticBard

    Paul Weaver (Mystery)
    Even though there isn’t much written in the description and personality section, you’ve made sure to emphasize his upper body strength and introversion which, according to the rest of the bio, will be the cornerstone of his character as he tries to perform a job in which he lacks the skills for (though I would still try and flesh out both sections more). The only thing that leaves me confused is how we went from being a farmer to being part of the British Resistance. Hopefully it becomes clearer in your story.

    As for your second character, I can understand leaving out most of the information since they’re supposed to be unknown to the reader, but as the author, you should really have this character figured out.

    BlueLikeaTardis
    I really like your character sketches! I can’t recall if I’ve said this before, but I always liked the story between Cain and Abel. I’m liking the direction you’re taking with this, and your interpretation of Cain. I like his conflict between envying his brother, but caring for him at the same time. It’s a very common flaw, which makes him more relatable. Nur is an interesting character, who I am looking forward to seeing more of. I like the imagery you created by comparing her personality to a lake.