Synopsis | R04 (Part 2 of 3)

I’m so amazed at how far this Workshop has come since it started back in January. We started with 16 Participants and now we are here, almost at the end, and we have 7 left! Juggling life and work can be hard especially when you are trying to also “do what you love” which is why it’s always ideal to make your work be what you love. However, we are not all so fortunate (yet…) so in the meantime we find whatever minutes we can throughout the day to write and explore and create. The 8 (including myself) synopsis you are about to read were all created in a short amount of time (some could argue too short) and before the actual short story has been written (another valid argument…) so keep this in mind when offering up your feedback.

Be kind but most of all be constructive! I’m sure and I know everyone who has been a part of this Workshop has benefited from not only the exercise of writing but the feedback they’ve gotten and implemented along the way.

Each synopsis was to be no more than one page in length, which, if formatted correctly (double-spaced, 12pt font, Times New Roman) would amount to about 250 words. In an effort to keep formatting true to the sender I will be posting each submission in .pdf form below:

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Kamary (Horror)

Pt 4 - Synopsis - Kamary

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ArtisticBard (Mystery)

Pt 4 - Synopsis - ArtisticBard

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Like Round Three, this round is just as extensive if not more so. There will be Four Rounds with two synopses in each post. When reading them think about the following questions when giving your feedback:

  • Is this formatted correctly and the right length?
  • Is there too much information given? How can this synopsis be scaled back? What can be cut?
  • Can you picture the story? Understand the Main Characters goal? Is the Antagonist present and clear?
  • On a scale of 1 – 10 how excited are you to read this short story? 1 = Not Much / 10 = Wicked Excited!

About E.L. Drayton

Writer of novels, short stories, scripts, and reviews.
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  • Nacho

    Kamary
    1 – format seems good, but could probably be a little longer, a few weird grammatical things are going on (ex: the Entity states threatens)
    2 – not too much, in fact it doesn’t even have the ending (which personally I like but am not sure if it’s supposed to be like that)
    3 – I can picture the story perfectly. I would have liked the protagonist to have their relationship with their cousins established a little stronger, and we really don’t know anything about the antagonist.
    4 – 8/10, seems like an exciting horror story

    ArtisticBard
    1 – format and length are perfect, but like the other story didn’t have the ending
    2 – just enough information is given, if anything slightly not enough
    3 – everything is good, except imposter Cassey is still a mystery (but they may not be a major character, in which case it’s ok)
    4 – 8/10, really interested to see what the final piece turns out as

  • Arthur Cole

    1) Kamary
    a. Your format is spot on and the length is okay, but there is a cliffhanger at the end. I’ll mention that again in more detail.

    b. There wasn’t a particularly large amount of “fat” that needs to be trimmed except the part about Ash leaving to take another child home. To me, it felt shoe-horned in. Forced. Perhaps find a more natural way to create a transition from the natural into the supernatural.

    c. The story is great and I have been most excited about this one since round one! I can totally imagine the story as it unfolds and I am anticipating a tense read. Coming back to your ending of your synopsis again, I feel like you could have elaborated on what exactly happens and what Ash decides and what are the effects of her decision. Too me it just feels cut off at the good part.

    d. Definitely 10/10

    2) ArtisticBard
    a. The length is not bad, but the formatting, or lack of space for paragraphs, turns it into one big block of text. That is a bit outputting, but not major.

    b. In my honest opinion, the entire first paragraph can be cut and trimmed extensively. You’re trying to set up your entire world and this is not the place for that. Your final short story will contain that information.
    Also, your prose needs to flow a little smoother. It’s not exactly like this, but it feels like your synopsis reads like this: “Something happens, then this happens, then that happens.” It’s very step by step feel when your synopsis should be a VERY short story that flows like a full length story.

    c. The picture is a little blurry, but I totally get the big picture. All the changelings and far and the Freehold is exciting to me! Like the other synopsis by Kamary, yours also lacks a clear ending. You say “which begs the question what happens next!” This is more of a pitch phrase, but your synopsis should be clear on how it ends.

    d. 8/10. I look forward to it!

    -Arthur Cole

  • BlueLikeATardis

    1.) Kamary – I think your length is really good and the formatting looks fine. I was able to follow through easily with your synopsis easily up until the cliffhanger. I am sure it’s to entice us to want to read the story, but it feels like it ended too soon. While reading this, I didn’t really feel how much Ash cared about her cousins, it would have made the final paragraph all the more gut wrenching. Overall, I would rate this 9/10

    2.) Artistic Bard
    The length of the synopsis looks pretty good, but the formatting is a bit offputting. There is a lack of paragraph indents which makes it look like a giant wall of text. Break up your paragraphs more to ensure the reader comprehends better. Despite the length, I feel like there could have been more. It doesn’t exactly read smooth and feels like a checklist in a way. It’s like I am reading list of things that are happening, you know?

    I have no clue who the antagonist is and I am sure that is the mystery element, but I would gave liked more details of who they are to help build the threat. Overall, I would rate this 7/10

  • Kamary

    Kamary (Horror)

    C’est moi.

    ArtisticBard (Mystery)

    a) This is formatted is well formatted and a good length.
    b) I think you gave just the right amount of information. Your setting requires setting up a lot of the world, and I understand so much room being dedicated to that. I like that you left me guessing at the end to whole the villain will be.
    c) I have a pretty clear view of the type of person Cassey is. I don’t know too much about Cassey 2, but I image that’s for the story to tell.
    d) I’ll go with a 9/10 for this one.

  • artisticBard

    Kamary (Horror)

    a) Format and length are perfect!
    b) I feel like you gave out the right amount of information, as this is a horror story. You don’t want to give it all away. You’ve also done well in setting the mood as things slowly start to go wrong.
    c) Your synopsis is quite clear and provides a good image and understanding of your story. Ashlyn’s goals are clear, and you’ve done well in establishing your antagonist. I really like how this is coming together.
    d) I can’t lie, I’m wicked excited for this. 10/10.

    artisticBard (Mystery)

    It’s me, mon cheri.